The algorithm often serves me guides to combatting jet lag, ever aware of flights upcoming and time zones I’m planning to cross. I’ve gotta be honest, algorithm: I don’t care.
Okay fine, I care a little, but not enough to do any of the things that the articles suggest, like using an app to orient yourself to your new time zone by adjusting your bed time for days before your departure. Sorry biohackers, I’m not going to sleep at seven o’clock. I’m not a baby. I thought the whole point of being an adult was that you can stay up late and do dumb things, like eat a bag of fermented tea leaf flavored potato chips and wash it down with Champagne. But maybe I’m wrong.
“Experts” also crow about how they never eat the in flight meal, how they drink their electrolytes, take their battery of supplements, slip on their silk eye mask, and sink into a slumber that is probably filled with dreams about graphing calculators or Microsoft Xcel or something similarly productive. Yeah, no. Frankly, I find it miraculous that you can slurp wonton soup while traversing the North Pole. Considering the feats of physics and … chemistry? involved, it’s almost a crime to not partake in the in flight meal. Do you not believe in science?
If pre-flight Champagne is served, I drink it. Sometimes I’m virtuous afterwards, all coffee and water and club soda if I’m feeling fancy. Others, like today, I … sample local delicacies like a Cabernet Franc from China, isn’t it fascinating that China is producing wine, and where else would I get to drink it but on a flight from Hong Kong to Los Angeles, and won’t it make me sound interesting at the next cocktail party I attend, to mention that I’ve tried Chinese wine, assuming, of course, that I’m invited to a cocktail party in the foreseeable future and I remember having had Chinese wine and there’s an opportunity to talk about anything besides traffic and the weather and what people are watching on TV.
I meant to take a photo of the bottle. I forgot and now the fasten seatbelt sign is on. Oops.
If this were a collection of tips, I’d also tell you that international flights are a prime time to watch underrated foreign films, several of which I added to my favorites list before I commenced my eighth viewing of Sex and the City 2. For a certain cohort of once young women, Sex and the City 2 is as comforting as amenity kit socks, which is to say that it could be better but it’s better than nothing.
It’s 2:47 a.m. on my computer and the sun is shining over the Pacific. Curse the biohackers, I might end up in bed at seven o’clock after all.